By Kailyn Kross ’27
Losing someone you loved is one of the hardest things a person can go through. Experts say, “Losing someone close to us terminates that bond and the social and physical protection they provided, which historically could have put the body at an increased risk of physical danger” (Kademani). This quote only partially shows how much losing a loved one negatively impacts someone’s life. The loss of loved ones is one of the worst traumatic experiences, as well as causing identity disruption and counterfactuals. Plus, someone who experiences this may begin to feel prolonged grief disorder. While it is nearly impossible to stop people from feeling this way after losing a loved one, people can cope by seeking out grief counseling and a support system.
Losing a loved one has been named one of the worst traumatic experiences. As Keyes explains, “The unexpected loss of a loved one is associated with subsequent elevations in symptoms of multiple forms of psychopathology” (Keyes). It is included that losing a loved one can lead to people beginning to feel disorders they did not have before this traumatic experience, This event can cause someone not only to lose a loved one, but also lose themselves in the process. While all of this is happening, this person just wants their old self and personality back, but their body and brain’s response to the loss of that person is making it harder for that person to resume back to their life as they lived it beforehand.
Counterfactuals and Identity Disruption may also be caused after losing a loved one. This is when someone begins to hallucinate situations and life in general, as if the person they just lost is still there with them. McCoy explains, “When a person is dealing with grief they and begin to experience ‘counterfactuals’ which are hallucinations that the person that passed away is still with them, in other words, they’re visualizing and virtuality where they can do what they wish to do with the person they can’t do anything with anymore” (McCoy). With this, it is shown just how much losing someone like this can really affect a person. People experiencing this may begin to confuse memory and reality, and that is where the hallucinations come from.
Prolonged grief disorder has a big effect on a person after losing a loved one, and it is a commonly found disorder among many people going through loss. Experts include, “Symptoms of prolonged grief disorder (APA, 2022) include: Identity disruption (such as feeling as though part of oneself has died), Marked sense of disbelief about the death, Avoidance of reminders that the person is dead, Intense emotional pain (such as anger, bitterness, sorrow) related to the death, Difficulty with reintegration (such as problems engaging with friends, pursuing interests, planning for the future), Emotional numbness (absence or marked reduction of emotional experience), Feeling that life is meaningless, Intense loneliness (feeling alone or detached from others)” (“Psychiatry.org – Prolonged Grief Disorder”). Each of these symptoms are life-changing to a person and even the people around them, you may never know if or when this will go away.
Some may argue that everything said after losing a loved one can be fixed by a support team and grief counseling, and in some situations it is, but not all. It does not always magically make a person better and back to normal. It is said that, “Some people find that grief counseling makes it easier to work through their sorrow. Regular talk therapy with a grief counselor or therapist can help those who are grieving learn to accept a death.” (“Coping With Grief and Loss | National Institute on Aging”). Counseling and therapy can teach someone how to accept the pain they’re feeling, not get rid of it. This solution works for the people looking in, but not necessarily the person experiencing and feeling this pain. This pain is not something that can just be fixed, it is something that people may feel forever.
As stated before, and now proven, losing a loved one has many negative impacts on someone’s life. The loss of loved ones is one of the worst traumatic experiences, as well as causing identity disruption and counterfactuals. Plus, someone who experiences this may begin to feel prolonged grief disorder. While it is nearly impossible to stop people from feeling this way after losing a loved one, people can cope by seeking out grief counseling and a support system. Godman includes, “Nothing quite prepares you for the heartache of profound loss. It settles in like a gloomy thrum — sometimes louder, sometimes softer — with a volume switch you can’t entirely shut off.” (Godman). Comparing the loss of a loved one to a low, continuous, dark, and sad sound that grows louder or softer, that can’t entirely be shut off, is spot on to how losing someone you love feels. You will never get rid of that pain, whether you feel it 24/7 or something reminds you of that person and you feel it all over again. This is something that no one, and nothing can entirely fix. Losing a loved one is like losing a part or even half of yourself, and gaining back that part of yourself fully is almost impossible.
Works Cited
“Coping With Grief and Loss | National Institute on Aging.” National Institute on Aging, 15 July 2024, https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/grief-and-mourning/coping-grief-and-loss. Accessed 18 May 2025.
Godman, Heidi. “Grieving? Don’t overlook potential side effects.” Harvard Health, 4 January 2019, https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/grieving-dont-overlook-potential-side-effects-2019010415722. Accessed 18 May 2025.
Kademani, Maanasi. “How does grief affect your body?” UCLA Health, 21 February 2024, https://www.uclahealth.org/news/article/how-does-grief-affect-your-body. Accessed 18 May 2025.
Keyes, Katherine M. “The Burden of Loss: Unexpected death of a loved one and psychiatric disorders across the life course in a national study.” PubMed Central, https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4119479/. Accessed 18 May 2025.
McCoy, Berly. “How your brain copes with grief, and why it takes time to heal.” NPR, 20 December 2021, https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2021/12/20/1056741090/grief-loss-holiday-brain-healing. Accessed 18 May 2025.
“Psychiatry.org – Prolonged Grief Disorder.” American Psychiatric Association, https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/prolonged-grief-disorder. Accessed 18 May 2025.
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